Week 11…13 More!

So excited to be blogging! Today Meg and I had a fabulous workout…a mini-triathlon in and of itself. We started with an hour swim.

Now recently my swims have been feeling great, smooth, fast, tireless, and other great swimming adjectives. Apparently, however, that was so last week because this morning I had forgotten how to swim. My head was moving all over the place, my hips (which you should know are made of stone) were not even rotating as miniscule-yas they normally do, my hands were entering at bizarre angles, and I kept getting other people’s hair caught in my nose clip (yes people, a nose clip…i keep all the orifices plugged during the swim). It was really just wrong. Meg and I were splitting a lane and I kept thinking, “she’s kicking my ass, swimming like a freaking sting ray (you thought I was going to say dolphin…but that was just too obvious). Anyway, 30 minutes in we decided to do some 50 meter sprints. This seemed akin to asking our 5 month old to do a series of crawl sprints given that she doesn’t even turn over yet. Remember, I had forgotten how to swim!

The sprints went well, I remembered how to swim, yada yada yada, we got out of the pool. Yeah, I know, a lot of story build up for a really awkward and disappointing punch line.

Next we were off to our 1 hour spin class…with Jeoff (clearly a gay boy because what straight boy spells Jeoff with an O?). He was AWESOME! It was seriously like Queer as Folk meets American Flyer-er Breaking Away (whichever 80’s cycling movie you prefer) meets A Chorus Line! This is the only spin class with three acts, people! This guy is a true performer and a kick ass trainer. And, let me just share that the class was full of all his wanna-be ‘fag hags’ (which i say with all the love, respect, admiration, and campiness that both fags and hags deserve)…so much fun! Anyway, he was as you would expect of a white, gay boy trainer in his late 30’s….super-buff, cut, tan, fun salt-n-pepper spiky hair, great dancer, and high-high energy! The music was great…Cher (of course), club music (unrecognizable to this 38 year-old once-lesbian-identified queer girl and mommy), and a sweet 80’s rock mix. He began the class, or should I say his opening number, was dancing through the rows of the 20 of us, bouncing up and down, and pouncing onto his spin bike with the agility of a puma, and then proceeding to pedal in a way that can only be compared to the blurry circle that is the Roadrunner’s legs.

And with a Meep Meep….we went from 0 to ‘oh-my-god-i-fucking-want-to-die-but-he-is-so-fun-that-i-want-him-to-like-me-and-be-my-best-friend-so-i’ll-keep-pedaling-even-though-my-power-bar-is-going-to-make-an-uncredited-appearance’ in 60 seconds. The class was great…I left wetter (from sweat) than I was when we were swimming. And, then came our mistake. We thought that his performance meant he was nice, kind, perhaps humble and would maybe even be polite to someone paying him a compliment. What made us think this? We are part of many queer and straight communities….we’ve seen boys like him before. He was performing, performing Jen…and now the performance was over, AND SCENE! He could not have been less interested in our feeble attempt at becoming his best friend and the worst part is, I (a pseudo-intellectual, doctoral student, with a penchant for words) said “funnest” in a sentence. All we could do was shamefully leave the spinning theater and hold onto the genius that was his performance.

Then we ran for 20 minutes….no great stories…I partially blame Jeoff for my lack of creativity during the run.

Tomorrow….we rest…actually Meg works, I take care of the Baby Lady, and the parents arrive on the scene. Until then…


About hejemonster

hejemonster fully believes that the film, the bad news bears (original 1976 version) was actually about her. she proved this in 1978 when she was the only girl on a black and gold baseball team. after striking out, jerry nygren, three times in one game, hejemonster let him hit a triple so that he could keep his ego in tact. darn you sexism!
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